Tag: Herman Melville

The reviews are in

Time Magazine called me “the biggest fucking asshole” while the New York Times named me the “worst author of the 21st Century” for writing The Detective James Series: Vol. 1. Typical liberal MSM bs, smh. So needless to say the reviews haven’t been good.

That is until Dan Scamell of DVS Fiction released his glowing review of my first book. You see, Dan is a TRUE artist and an actual author. He has REAL talent, just like me. Unlike the rest of those hacks in the LAME stream media, Dan Scamell understands the subtle complexities of my very SERIOUS work.

Honestly, when the dust settles on ALL the attention my book’s getting, I think people will realize that Herman Melville is a clown and that The Detective James Series: Vol. 1 is truly the greatest American novel. Hell, it’ll probably outsell the Bible because God ain’t got SHIT on me.

But thank you Dan 🙏 your positive review means a lot to me. I love his work and I implore all of you to visit dvsfiction.com and follow him on the socials.

tim McGraw

Life’s hard for a man that drives a pickup truck.

People make all kinds of assumptions about you. “Hey, what kind of engine you got in that thing?” they ask.

“I dunno,” I say. “I just put the keys in the ignition and it starts.”

I drive a pickup not only because I have a tiny penis and suffer from an inferiority complex, but they also last longer, usually easier to take care of, and no one bats an eye at a few dents and scratches.

In short, I only drive a truck because I’m lazy as fuck.

But every guy wants to get into a pissing contest on who’s got the bigger engine, who knows more about transmissions, which kind of car is easier to fuck in (it’s definitely an Oldsmobile Tornado btw), etc etc

Well listen here buddy, I read Immanuel Kant, Wordsworth, Melville, Jack London, and fucking Hegel, not because someone told me to, but because I love it! Do I look like a guy that gives a shit about your Dodge Ram?

Sure I wear camouflage, abuse dipping tobacco, store my retirement savings under the kitchen sink, sleep with a Glock 19, dabble in meth, store my own piss, steal from my grandmother, don’t pay child support, and argue with teenagers online. But I’m just not a car guy! Okay?