
“You shouldn’t drink out of the toilet,” my doctor says.
this is where the tyranny begins folks. What’s he gonna say next? Stop exposing my penis at Home Depot?
#standyourground
“You shouldn’t drink out of the toilet,” my doctor says.
this is where the tyranny begins folks. What’s he gonna say next? Stop exposing my penis at Home Depot?
#standyourground
Most people get their opinions from “books”, “news”, “science”, “education”, other “external sources,” and “other people”.
Not me.
You see, I’m an actual FREE thinker.
Everyone keeps telling me “you should stop drinking your piss.” But why? It’s completely natural.
My ex-wife keeps saying “you need to pay child support.” But how do you know he’s my son?
The police keep telling me that I have to “wear pants at the public library.” But I don’t follow the laws of man.
I’m not one of you sheeple.
Besides, as all of you know, I refuse to breathe the same shit-reeked air that all you plebs breath in. When I do my shopping, I hold my breath in and sprint through the grocery store before passing out.
You think I’m afraid of some VIRUS?!
Well guess what PAL….I survived aids!
TWICE!
I tried to do one of those challenges where people write a book in a month. It didn’t work.
It’s a good story too: about some dumbass that works at a toilet factory whose boss gets kidnapped. All of this causes uproar in this small town. As the situation grows more absurd and contrived, our dumbass has to rescue his boss. I was exploring my contempt for politics and storytelling in general.
While I think about it, contempt is actually the driving force behind all of my writing. Whenever I begin to write, I have to hold back my urge to say “im gay suck my penis lolz.”
If I did ever write a finished work, it would go something like this:
“Chapter 1: Fuck you
Chapter 2: my dick is small
Chapter 3: my balls are too
Chapter 4: I’ve definitely had sex before
The eND“
Now if I read that, I’d think “that’s a damn good book.” But it would have an audience of exactly one person. Most people expect a novel to be “good”, and “have a story”, or whatever.
My style just doesn’t transfer into long form, immersive storytelling.
Nor into short form really. My way into writing a story consists of how many times I can say “penis”, “gay sex”, “cum”, and have people actually read it. That’s why “A Shot at the Title” is my finest short story. Honestly it’s a banger. Someone should probably give me an award for it. But most times, when the author doesn’t give a shit and hates their audience, the work’s just not gonna be good. Ya know?
That’s why I’ll probably never go back to writing on Medium or any other platform for that matter. I don’t think the shit I want to do would transfer over there. I have complete creative control over here. If I want to post a video of me spreading my ass and saying “this is what I think of Denmark”, no one can tell me no.
I’m a blogger. That’s all I’ll ever be.