When I was a kid, everyone was dying of polio and World War I. No one wanted to go back to those days. But kids today won’t shut the fuck up about Blockbuster video, lead poisoning from water hoses, and masturbating to scrambled porn. They don’t have the courage to admit their childhood sucked. They lack imagination. They ceased hope for a better future.

That’s my fault. That’s my children’s fault. That’s my children’s children’s fault. That’s my children’s children’s children’s fault (I’m 113 years old, see). We failed. We failed to realize that every generation’s greatest responsibility is to build up the next generation. We failed to appreciate the current moment for what it was and to recognize that time only moves forward. We failed to overcome petty biases like generational rivalries. And it will take many more generations to unfuck itself. It’s one big systemic failure.

But there is one thing that unites all surviving generations. We are all perfectly content to lay blame at the feet of boomers.