Everyone is wrong about everything

I kept waiting for them to “nuke the fridge” in Indiana Jones and Dial of Destiny but the damndest thing happened…that moment never came.

Internet trolls have had a string of successes in their criticisms of Disney and Kathleen Kennedy specifically and because of this, consensus among the mainstream media has been lukewarm towards the latest Indiana Jones feature. As a result, it is expected that it will underperform at the box office.

It’s unfortunate. The movie is pretty good and it’s critics completely missed the mark:

Antonio Banderas’ brief appearance? Neither here nor there.

It’s absurd time travel plot? No more absurd than the Ark of the Covenant killing a bunch of Nazis.

The CGI? Uneven, yes. But no more uneven than in the other films (which added to their charm) and the de-aged Harrison Ford is done quite well.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge? Perhaps this is the most telling criticism because she’s actually quite good.

Of course it has its issues. But it’s problems can be found in EVERY Indiana Jones movie. The ones I found to be legitimate were the pacing issues and the cinematography, both of which can be easily fixed with a fan edit or director’s cut.

Additionally, the filmmakers don’t try to hide Harrison Ford’s age which probably explains why he doesn’t loom as large over the picture as he does in other films. But this is Ford’s swan song. As a result we get a more personal Indy. While this may not please all fans, I think Ford gave his best performance in the series.

But I’m pleading with my readers: don’t let the trolls win. Go see this picture!

Things normal ppl do that I will never do

•Play a round of golf

I will never accept golf as a real sport and I will think lesser of a person who plays it.

•Read ‘Catcher in the Rye’

Oh, so you were once an angry young man? Boo fuckin hoo. If I wrote something that appealed to pretentious asshats, I too would withdraw from public life and never put pen to paper again.

•Watch “The Lord of the Rings”

Maybe they’re good movies. But at this point I’m refusing to watch them out of tradition. Plus, fantasy isn’t a real genre.

•Delete an email

I think so little of your email that I won’t bother deleting it. It will just sit there for eternity senselessly taking up digital space.

•Pay for a concert

I have nothing against the performing of live music. I just refuse to pay for it. It doesn’t matter if it’s solo Mike Reno playing “Whenever There’s a Night” nonstop, I ain’t taking out my wallet to see it.

•Visit Disney World

This has nothing to do with Ron DeSantis or the (shithole) State of Florida. I’m an adult.

RIP Big XII

Fuck podcasts.

One of the worst things about the internet are podcasts. They just remind me that most people in the world are boring.

Hell, I’M boring.

But instead of bothering you with my terrible voice, I’m going to bother you with my mediocre writing. Because I want to restore to the internet the glory that was once blogging.

I mean, blogging is pretty lame too, but at least it’s not podcasting. Shit.

Not only has the internet ruined everything, but so has Disney. They not only ruined Star Wars and movies in general, but now they are ruining the sacred sport of college football.

Texas and Oklahoma are jumping the sinking ship of what is simultaneously the worst conference in the Power 5 and the most exciting, the Big 12, for the far more lucrative SEC. I mean, on its surface, this sounds great!

But it’s terrible. So…so terrible.

In case you haven’t heard, Bob Bowlsby, the Big 12 commissioner, has accused ESPN…a subsidiary of Disney…of pulling the strings behind the Texas and OU move and the subsequent dissolution of his league. Can he prove it? Who knows?

Will it matter?

Almost certainly not.

The Big 12’s days are numbered. The SEC will only increase its dominance over the sport, and Disney will reign in the profits because ESPN owns the SEC network.

And why stop with Texas and OU? Florida State and Clemson make plenty of sense in the SEC as well. You know who else does? Duke and North Carolina.

So a warning to the ACC: you better add West Virginia and Notre Dame (if you can). Because Disney is coming after you next. B10 and PAC-12 don’t seem to give a shit about any of this (it appears they actually care about academics).

Why should anyone give a shit about any of this? Aren’t college sports kinda a joke anyway?

Yes. Yes they are.

I mean, it’s just kinda amazing that Disney has been able to dissolve the distinction between jock and nerd…then subsequently piss both off.