Ya know, sometimes I forget this page is called The Internet Ruined Everything. Typically I treat this place as a dumping ground for my personal thoughts, stories, anecdotes etc. Initially I conceived of it as a place to write about Internet culture and the decline of western civilization or whatever. Then I learned that humanity is in a constant state of flux between rising and falling. What we’re experiencing today is just the latest chapter of that. So fuck it, I figured. Instead of critiquing the madness, I’ll embrace it.

But sometimes I see something that challenges that perspective. Through the millions of hours I’ve logged watching YouTube, I’ll come across someone and think did the internet actually ruin everything? Do you know what I’m saying? It’s like certain people couldn’t have been possible without social media. Mind you, the internet is a tool. Some have used it for good. Others have used it for evil and avarice. And then there’s this third category of person that will wittingly or unwittingly debase themselves for a few clicks.

This person is called a “lolcow”.

Enough digital ink has been spilled over this “lolcow” phenomenon. I won’t spend much time describing it. But whenever I come across one, they always send me into a philosophical and existential tailspin. Have these people always existed? Or has the internet enabled them to become the worst version of themselves? There’s always been those who lacked self-awareness. The internet didn’t invent that. But before the days the World Wide Web, did we simply ignore these people? Moreover, before having the ability to create your own reality through ChatGPT and social media, were people so humbled by real life experience that they kept their worst tendencies in check?

There’s too many questions and not enough answers.

In my estimation, most lolcows are harmless. That doesn’t mean that their personal life isn’t a complete wreck. But most of them don’t pose a threat to society at large. Common internet etiquette is to not “troll” them or interfere with their personal lives. In other words, watching them is like going to the zoo (or the strip club depending on what kind of weirdo you are). You can look but don’t touch. This is the internet Prime Directive and if it is to be violated there must be a damn good reason.

And today, I believe I found reason. So I come before the internet counsel of elders to make my case.

Which brings me to St. Petersburg, Florida. I would personally never be caught dead there. But as of 2025, it is estimated that 264,000 people call it home. Like much of Florida, I presume that St. Pete’s is just a swamp filled with alligators and dead bodies. But the people living there have little clue about the ticking time bomb in their midst.

I’m not talking about a massive meth lab explosion.

I’m talking about Jerry Banfield.

When I try to wrap my mind around the immensity of Jerry Banfield, words often fail me. There’s no good way to explain him. But I’ll give it my best shot: He’s 42 years old. At one point in time, he was a cop and a raging alcoholic. He claims to have been making money on YouTube as far back as 2011. But somewhere along the way, he got married, had two kids, got a divorce, and scrubbed his online presence. Within the last few months, however, he has been blitzing the internet with new videos and “products” in an attempt to rebuild his brand.

Nothing out of the ordinary, right?

The problem is that the products and services he offers are things like dating, financial, and crypto advice. Grifters are a dime a dozen after all. No big deal right? A grifter is gonna grift. However, Banfield is open about being $200,000 in debt and living well outside of his means in addition to crashing and burning with every woman he meets. It’s an unusual selling tactic to say the least.

But perhaps the best person to explain Jerry Banfield is Jerry Banfield himself:

This is one of his latest. He just got kicked out of his yoga studio for making people uncomfortable. Mind you, his explanation starts off reasonable: it was his trolls and haters reporting him. If he had stopped there, he probably would have been fine. In fact, he might’ve garnered a degree of sympathy. Yet he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. As he digs his grave, he explains he might have been a little inappropriate with instructors and students. But the problem doesn’t lie with him. It’s everyone else’s fault for not being as open as he is. His solution is that he needs to be around “his people”. Honestly, I’m kinda baffled as to why anyone would post something like this. Was he doing damage control before word got to all the ladies around St. Pete? It’s too late for that, Jerry.

But all of his videos are like this. Each one crazier than the next. Here’s another one from a few days ago (which, I think, was featured on Who Are These Podcasts):

My normal reaction to something like this would be to find cracks in the facade. I mean, this has to be faked, right? Unfortunately Jerry is a textbook example of bipolar disorder. And for anyone who has spent any amount of time around men with bipolar, you immediately recognize the symptoms: talking too much, an overwhelming sense of confidence, short tempered, highly energetic, etc etc. If untreated or unmedicated, they take a heavy emotional toll on you and everyone within their vicinity.

Perhaps I sound a little “neurophobic”. I don’t mean to suggest that Jerry is a public menace because he has bipolar disorder alone. The problem is he keeps putting himself into powder keg situations: bad dates, six figure debts, getting confrontational in AA meetings, and finding himself (presumably) increasingly isolated. While he may not drink anymore, he has the mentality of a gambling addict. He acts as though any day now he will be a millionaire and that the mountains of high interest loans he’s taken out will have proven themselves worthwhile.

And this is to say nothing about his interactions with women.

If I have one good thing to say about Jerry is that at least I don’t get pedo vibes from him. I could be wrong, but I doubt we’ll find him on Chris Hansen anytime soon. But I do find his obsession with dating, particularly as a 42 year old man buried in debt, a little concerning. On the surface, I suppose Jerry comes across as somewhat put together. I don’t how long he is able to maintain that facade, but it can’t last forever. The real Jerry eventually comes out. He doesn’t have a lowkey presence online either. Women should, and often do, ghost him and flake out. How long can a man like Jerry take that before he starts dipping his toes into things like date rape drugs? He has also mentioned that he’d like to go to Thailand and get a wife. Even if this endeavor is successful, he’d probably bring a 20-something woman back to the States, impregnate her and maybe marry her, and then immediately lose interest and abandon her because Jerry is more interested in the chase than the commitment.

In sum, this is a tragic story waiting to happen.

Jerry Banfield, the man and the concept of the man, is a result of the times. He could have only been enabled by modern conventions and technology. For him, this is Jerry’s world and we’re just living in it. Challenge him, I dare you, at your own peril. Under better conditions, could he be a functional member of society? I’m sure. Which is what makes this story all the more saddening.

But I’m afraid that we’ve passed the event horizon. While I implore the counsel of internet elders to intervene wherever possible, I have no solution. No recommendation. I’m afraid we are powerless until we see Jerry Banfield’s mugshot from the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Department. Then the women of St. Pete’s, Florida will rest easy. And the internet can move on to the next lolcow.

I just hope that the attention he has received from Who Are These Pocasts and others (including myself) will not further enable him. 😬