Time Magazine called me “the biggest fucking asshole” while the New York Times named me the “worst author of the 21st Century” for writing The Detective James Series: Vol. 1. Typical liberal MSM bs, smh. So needless to say the reviews haven’t been good.
That is until Dan Scamell of DVS Fiction released his glowing review of my first book. You see, Dan is a TRUE artist and an actual author. He has REAL talent, just like me. Unlike the rest of those hacks in the LAME stream media, Dan Scamell understands the subtle complexities of my very SERIOUS work.
Honestly, when the dust settles on ALL the attention my book’s getting, I think people will realize that Herman Melville is a clown and that The Detective James Series: Vol. 1 is truly the greatest American novel. Hell, it’ll probably outsell the Bible because God ain’t got SHIT on me.
But thank you Dan 🙏 your positive review means a lot to me. I love his work and I implore all of you to visit dvsfiction.com and follow him on the socials.
It sucks peen that I will never be a filmmaker because I’d love to adapt VD Mercer and Dan Scamell’s grotesque erotica novel Stuck Together With You. And I’m not saying that because I consider Dan my friend, I REALLY enjoyed the book.
I could go into plot details but just look at the cover. OR simply read the plot synopsis from Amazon:
Rhonda Wilkes is America’s grandma. Her acting career really took off 40 years ago with her wildly successful 1980’s ensemble sitcom, Stuck Together With You, about five aging women forced by circumstance to share a Long Island apartment. At 101 years old, and never far from her tall, mysterious, male assistant, Rhonda is still going strong. This is more than can be said for her Stuck Together co-stars, all of whom have died, save for Connie Roberts, who lives in declining health within an assisted living home.
The hideous secret to Rhonda’s longevity comes to light after Connie Roberts receives an experimental health treatment with low odds of survival. As Connie pulls through, hazy memories begin to return—memories of an orgiastic summoning ritual in a Hollywood studio lounge.
Given a second chance at life, Connie must track down Rhonda and her sinister assistant if she wants to put right the wrongs of the past decades. Luckily, Connie has the help of Terry, a miraculously resurrected assisted-living orderly, and the sentient finger now living in his head. Age is just a number in this salaciously weird tale of talking phalanges, steamy sex, and dark humor.
I’ve been unable to shake this book from my mind. Just imagine it: Barbara Crampton, Linnea Quigley, Felicia Rose, Juliette Lewis, etc etc coming together to do a spoof/homage to Golden Girls with clips from the mock sitcom interspersed through a story of violence, gore, and gratuitous nudity.
Unfortunately the gratuitous sex and nudity would have to be severely cut back. I doubt studios and actors would agree to that sort of thing. But I can see the ending in my mind: one final sitcom clip that hamfists the themes of the movie; cut to a black screen reading For Bea, Rue, Estelle, & Betty; Rod Stewart’s Young Turks plays over the credits.
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Since there’s been an inexplicable increase of traffic to my website, I should point out that if you’re interested in reading another weird piece of fiction, PLEASE consider purchasing your (shitty) copy of ‘The Detective James Series: Vol. 1’ on Amazon. If you read the whole thing, my apologies first off, but consider leaving a review 🙏🙏🙏
The Internet Ruined Everything 