“So you guys accidentally killed Don Lemon, placed his body in his 4-cylinder Honda CRV with the intention of sinking it in the river to hide his body? But before you two could do that, Harvey Whinestine rammed into the Honda and made it look like vehicular manslaughter?” Patricia asked Eric after court.
“Sure did!” he said.
After Harvey Whinestine was found guilty of killing Don Lemon, Eric and Patricia immediately asked the same judge to marry them in the courthouse. Along with Kenny, the three of them returned to Patricia’s house to celebrate.
“Man we got lucky,” Eric said.
“Damn right buddy!” Kenny replied.
“I think you mean ‘Dad’”
“Ah shit, you’re right…Dad!”
Despite being three years younger than Kenny and a half a foot shorter, Eric playfully put his stepson in a headlock and gave him a noogie. While the two men horsed around, Patricia came downstairs to join in the festivities.
“Mom,” Kenny said, “I finally feel like we’re a family again. I love you.”
“I love you too, son,” Patricia replied. “I just want to say that I’m thankful for the two men in my life. I feel like I’ve been given a second chance at life, so I’m proud to announce that I am two weeks sober.”
“But why?” Eric asked. “With Harvey Whinestine going to prison, you’re now a bank president. We’re also married, Kenny and I started a car detailing business, and we just got away with murder! So Fuck that sobriety shit, we’re untouchable!”
“Hmm, I didn’t think of it that way,” she replied, then went to the bar and started drinking directly from the tequila bottle.
Harvey Whinestine was later sentenced to 20 years in prison. Months later, he was released on appeal due to a shoddy police investigation. All evidence was later incinerated.
Eric and Kenny were never regarded as suspects for their role in Don Lemon’s death.
Patricia and Eric divorced three months later.
The grieving, pregnant widow of Don Lemon was left a single parent and never remarried.