Tag: Colorado State

Fuck Jay Norvell

I’m gonna shelve the rage-fueled post that I was writing and channel all that hatred towards Colorado State football coach Jay Norvell.

Seriously, fuck that guy.

For the record, I think college football is a joke. People who think it’s genuinely better than the pros are delusional and it’s unfortunate that the sport has ruined collegiate athletics beyond recognition. But today I’m gonna change my attitude.

Today I’m a Colorado Buffaloes fan, perhaps Colorado State’s biggest rival, and that’s all thanks to Jay Norvell and his bullshit notion of “manners”.

Everyone knows that press conferences in sports are a waste of time. The only time I ever empathize with Bill Belicheck is when he rolls his grumpy ass up to the stage and fields dumb questions from reporters. They’re boring and useless and we’d be better off without them.

But on rare occasion, like when Dennis Green lost his cool after losing to the Chicago Bears, that something interesting happens. It’s nice when players and coaches realize that sports is an entertainment industry, so they do what they’re supposed to do even in press conferences: they entertain.

Deion Sanders understands this. Right now, he is the smartest man in football and everyone else is a fool.

Jay Norvell KNOWS that Coach Prime is the smartest man in football and he is panicked. Norvell is gonna get his ass SPANKED by Deion Sanders on Saturday and there is nothing he can do about it.

If I were in Norvell’s position, I’d simply tell the media that it’ll all be settled on the football field. What I wouldn’t say is: ‘When I talk to grown-ups, I take my hat and my glasses off. That’s what my mother taught me.’

Now you just look like an asshole.

Who’d want to play for that guy?

I wouldn’t.

Coach Prime realizes that the media is another tool in his arsenal. You want to motivate players in this day and age? You use the media. Sure, other coaches have tried to do this, but Deion does this with style and flair.

It’s cunning. It’s strategic. It’s goddamn genius.

And all these old-timey coaches with their old-timey “manners” can fuck right off.

This is Prime Time’s game, and you’re just playing in it.

The College Football Uniform Playoff (Part II-Mountain West)

Okay, so maybe the SEC isn’t the weakest conference. The Mountain West also has painfully boring uniforms. For background purposes, The MWC currently hosts 12 schools in football.

12. Nevada-Reno

I feel absolutely nothing for this uniform. It’s less than boring. It creates a black hole in my imagination that’s large enough for Matthew McConaughey to fall into.

11. Utah State

This is only a slight elevation from making me contemplate death to just plain boring.

10. Hawaii

I don’t know, this just feels like a missed opportunity to do something more creative. I love the logo. The all black style is pretty dope too. But I guess this just fits in with the rest of the MWC blandness.

9. Fresno State

Yeah, I’ve got nothin.

8. Nevada-Las Vegas

For a program that was taking applications for head coach through Indeed, the uniforms aren’t too shabby. And for the record, yes UNLV rejected my application.

7. Air Force

Blue and white is a crisp look but that bolt logo is a bit amateurish. They’d be better off just putting numbers on the side of the helmets.

6. New Mexico

‘Lobos’ is a cool-ass name. While the uniform looks good, I feel like I’ve seen this red too many times in this conference.

5. Wyoming

Brown and yellow sounds like a combination that shouldn’t work but it does here. My biggest gripe though is the cheapass font.

4. San Diego State

At first glance this looks like another run-of-the-mill MWC outfit. But it’s actually got a lot going for it. The logo is awesome. Aztecs are cool. And the red sleeves with the black body is totally bitchin.

3. San Jose State

The Los Angeles Rams should take note here on how to make this color scheme look good. The blue and yellow are bold enough alone, so there’s no need to do too much. The colors speak for themselves. Plus, totally awesome logo.

2. Colorado State

This one might be an acquired taste but the green and gold works for me. Since the LA Rams totally fucked up their helmet logo, CSU Rams now have the best ram helmet. But green is an another underrated color that more teams should utilize.

1. Boise State

These uniforms absolutely hurt my eyes, but in a good way. And respect to their blue field. Only those with strong eyes can stand to watch an entire game. So congratulations to the Boise State Broncos for making the playoffs.