The College Football Uniform Playoff (Part I)

This is part 1 (of 758 parts) of dissertation on college football uniforms. I will be grading EVERY uniform in the Power 5 conferences and the Group of 5 schools. Later, they will be going head to head in a playoff system that I will completely pull out of my ass.

So let’s begin with the Southeastern Conference (SEC).

The SEC, which currently consists of 14 schools, is commonly known as the toughest conference in college football. However, in my view, they have the weakest uniforms.

14. Alabama

The Alabama Crimson Tide may be the greatest college program in football history but their uniforms suck ass. Their mascot is an elephant with a limp trunk. You’d think with as many titles as they have, their mascot’s trunk would be fully erect and slapping opposing counterparts around. So that’s a missed opportunity. Plus, they have numbers on the side of their helmets. Grow the fuck up!

13. Texas A&M

Maroon is a very popular college color. But I don’t give a shit. It’s boring, plus the A&M font sucks. Additionally, the A&M logo looks like “ATM”.

12. Mississippi State

Watching Miss St. and A&M play is one of the most confusing things you’ll ever see. That being said, Miss St. does a lot better job at rocking the maroon, plus the logo with a simple ‘M’ and ‘State’ draped over it ain’t too shabby. Simple, but effective.

11. South Carolina

I want to like this uniform, but again, the maroon-ish color is killing me. That’s a pretty good helmet though and the black alternatives are kinda dope. And kudos to any team that calls themselves “Gamecocks”. 👍

10. Vanderbilt

Congrats to Vandy for not being the worst in this category. I like the name ‘Commodores’. I like that they have Lionel Ritchie as their mascot. Pretty solid logo and helmet. But that black and gold is kinda ‘meh’.

9. Arkansas

I hate Arkansas. Both the state and everyone in it. The football program can kiss my ass too. But ‘Razorbacks’ is pretty good name and the logo ain’t to shabby either. As for the uniforms, they’re pretty basic, but the cardinal red really pops.

8. Tennessee

Goddamn I want to love this uniform. People talk shit about the checkered orange pattern from time to time, but that design makes sense. A lot of interstate construction crews run through Tennessee, so those colors are an accurate representation of that state. The problem is that not enough is done with this bold color scheme. The ‘T’ logo is pretty bland to boot. The alternative grays aren’t too bad though.

7. Auburn

As you’ll find out, I’m quite generous to teams that sport orange. I don’t particularly like navy blue, but its pairing with burnt orange pays off here. My issue with this uniform though is the white helmet and pants. If they went for a solid navy blue across, it would probably be one of the best in sports.

6. Mississippi

This is just a solid uniform throughout. Though honestly, I wish they ditch the navy blue and run with the cardinal red and light blue full time.

5. Florida

First off, fuck Tim Tebow. Secondly, he looked pretty badass donning the orange and blue. While Florida’s colors pop a little better than Auburn’s, they still suffer from the same problem: the white pants for home games. Ditch the white and go full blue. But the helmet is a thing of beauty.

4. Georgia

Nice uniform but that Georgia logo looks a little too familiar. Now This is one of the rare uniforms that I think looks BETTER in its away form. The red helmet with the solid white is really sharp. And fuck Stetson Bennett too.

3. Kentucky

As with Georgia, the white away jerseys mesh really well with the helmets. Kentucky thankfully uses a a fully blue uniform for home games. I don’t even mind the checkered sleeves (which they probably stole from Tennessee). And don’t get me started on those silver helmets 🥰🥰🥰

2. Missouri

I’ve said before that gold (or yellow) and black are probably the two strongest colors a team could put together. And I’m saying it again here.

1. Louisiana State

The helmet alone, in both its white and yellow forms, is enough to propel LSU into the top spot. This means that LSU gets an automatic bid into the tournament (seeding to be determined). In truth, I don’t know if I actually like this uniform or if I just feel sorry for the people of Louisiana (for having to live there). Either way, congrats to LSU for advancing.

Pittsburg State to NCAA Division I

This is an unusual post. But then again, this is also my 500th post.

If you recall, when I started this blog last summer, the first thing I wrote about was the beginning of the end for the Big 12 conference. It was announced that Texas and Oklahoma were jumping to the lucrative SEC, and I incorrectly believed that the Big 12 was on the edge of dissolving. While clearly the conference didn’t dissolve, the departure of Texas and OU kicked off perhaps what will be the largest conference realignment in NCAA history. Not only will schools face different rivals in the near future, a few Division II teams will be moving up to fill in vacancies left by departing DI schools for greener pastures.

So to mark this milestone, I will be making the argument for a move that will perhaps be one of the final steps in this massive realignment: Pittsburg State University to NCAA Division I.

I mean, why the hell not, right? Plus the Pitt State Gorilla was one of Mike Leach’s (RIP) favorite mascots and the only gorilla…as far as I know…in NCAA sports.

Now if I ever do research for this blog, it’s only the bare minimum. So keep that in mind.

A little bit about the school: Pitt State is located in Pittsburg, Kansas in the southeastern end of the state. It’s football program currently has the most wins than any other school in DII. Currently, they play in the Mid-America Intercollegiate Athletics Association (MIAA) and their biggest rival are the Northwest Missouri State Bearcats.

At first glance, this university appears to be in the middle of nowhere, but it actually sits just outside of the Joplin MO-Miami, OK metro area with a population just under 200,000 people. And to the south sits the Northwest Arkansas region with a population over 500,000. If I had to guess, a large portion of the alumni base live in these two areas. Additionally, the state of Kansas has only two DI football schools: the Kansas Jayhawks and the Kansas State Wildcats (Also, to the north and to the west lie Kansas City and Wichita respectively, neither of which sport a DI football program). Neighboring Missouri also sponsors only three DI football programs (this sounds incorrect, so correct me if I’m wrong).

As far as athletic facilities go, at least as far as football is concerned, I’d say that they could compete with many at the FCS level, particularly after the addition of the Plaster Center in 2015. So, again, in FOOTBALL, Pitt State CAN compete.

The problem is that to qualify for NCAA Division I, schools have to sponsor at least seven men and women’s sports each OR six men’s sports and eight women’s. Currently, Pitt State only sponsors six each. Furthermore, while I don’t suppose revenue is a barrier to entry, it’s probably helpful to have an athletic department bring in a good amount of cash. From what shoddy research I did, Pitt State performs quite well for DII, even outperforming some DI FCS schools like Morehead State University in Kentucky, but it falls way short from many other DI programs in equaling their revenue. Again, this isn’t a barrier to entering DI, but it is PROBABLY a barrier to entering a DI conference because a school has to bring something to the table.

Most of this is an easy fix. Schools add sports all of the time. And revenue would probably increase by moving up to DI. But leaving DII and the MIAA would probably annoy many within the fan base.

But money talks. And given Pitt State’s declining enrollment, a jump to a bigger stage might be the solution it’s looking for. Which is why I see Pitt State possibly moving to DI in the near future.

lol

Nothing makes me happier than watching the slow agonizing death of college football.

Maybe I’m just petty.

But when you grow up in flyover territory, college football is only a step or two away from being a full blown religion. Now major college towns across America are facing a sad reality that their football team will never see another title. That is, unless you’re living in Tuscaloosa, Athens, College Station, Austin, Baton Rouge, Clemson, Ann Arbor, Columbus, and maybe Eugene…or in other words…if your school has the money they’re willing to throw around.

But poor Oklahoma and Florida State fans. You guys had the world in your hands, but now you will both be doormats in the SEC once you inevitably join that conference. Smh

At least college basketball is still competitive tho