professional teams I love to laugh at

You won’t find the Dallas Cowboys on this list. Sorry to disappoint. We all know they’re perpetually mediocre so why bother wasting words?

Chicago Cubs

I’ll admit, I don’t particularly like baseball. But weren’t the Cubs, like, losers for over 100 years? Then 2016 happened and suddenly everyone’s a fan?

Miss me with that shit.

God bless Steve Bartman. I hope it’s another 100 years before they win another World Series.

The Entire Premier League

You know what sucks?

Arsenal, Manchester City, Tottenham Hotspurs, Brighton, Manchester United, Chelsea, Liverpool, Brentford, Leeds United, Fulham, Newcastle, Southampton, Bournemouth, Wolverhampton, Crystal Palace, Everton, Aston Villa, West Ham, Nottingham Forest, and Leicester City.

Fuck all of em…in that order. American sports fans catch a lot of shit, and rightfully so. But the British are on a whole other level.

Y’all need help.

But REAL football fans watch the Scottish Professional Football League.

Green Bay Packers

The gold standard for bandwagon teams are the Dallas Cowboys. But I think it’s high time for the Green Bay Packers to claim that title.

3/4ths of that fan base can’t tell you where Green Bay is. Half the fans probably don’t know that the team is in Wisconsin. And a quarter of the fans can’t tell you who the quarterback was before Aaron Rodgers.

And speaking of Brett Favre, yeah I laugh at the guy every single day, but if you’re a Packer fan and you’re STILL upset that Favre briefly played for the Minnesota Vikings…fuck off.

The NFL is a PROFESSIONAL league and what Favre did was make a business decision. So be thankful for what you got out of him.

Besides, yeah your team chokes in the playoffs every year but at least you’re not the…

Houston Texans

The Detroit Lions and Cleveland Browns at least have history. The Los Angeles Chargers have dope-ass uniforms. And the Jacksonville Jaguars are too inoffensive to make fun of.

Most snake-bitten franchises at least have something going for them.

Then there’s the Houston Texans, a team that’s so perpetually incompetent that they now just let a chaplain run the front office. I guess they figure that God save that dump of a franchise.

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Brett favre: real ass dude

https://news.yahoo.com/defendant-ex-governor-ordered-payments-232005570.html

Brett Farve is perilously close to being added to my real ass dude HOF. All he has to do now is kill someone and he’s automatically in.

Last I checked, Mississippi had just under 3 million people living there. Yet somehow Farve got himself involved in one of its biggest corruption scandals.

Allegedly, he didn’t know that he received embezzled money. But something tells me that it wasn’t because no one told him. It probably didn’t occur to him that what he was doing was unethical.

Hey, we all make our mistakes. But Brett Favre has a history of making mistakes that only real ass dudes make (making ill-advised throws, sending dick pics to reporters, wearing jorts, etc.)

So keep going Brett, you’re almost there. I’m rooting for ya!

GOAT

Poor Warren Moon.

He didn’t get drafted because the NFL is racist. He never advanced to a Super Bowl. And his number and name is in the rafters in a city he never played for.

Additionally, of all the NFL throwback games I find on YouTube involving the Houston Oilers, Moon loses in all of them (including, most infamously, “the Comeback”, which was not Moon’s fault). Fortunately, the NFL did the right thing, and put him in the HoF.

Now Moon played contemporaneously along side other HoF QBs like Joe Montana, Dan Marino, Jim Kelly, John Elway, Troy Aikman, Steve Young, and Brett Favre. And I gotta say: if I had to draft a QB from the guys on the list, I’d still take Warren Moon.

I prefer my football to be exciting. And once when the Oilers initiated the “Run and Shoot” offense, that shit was good. But more importantly, I prefer a strong-armed QB. Now Elway, Marino, and Favre had notoriously powerful arms, but it’s one thing to have a cannon. It’s another thing to harness that power. Moon perhaps wasn’t the most “accurate” QB (nobody really was back in those days), but when he threw the ball, it was a thing of beauty:

Nobody throws a spiral like that. I mean, I can. And have. But you can’t. Nor can any other NFL QB. Because there’s a whole science behind it: