All good things…

Word has permeated the internet. The Alamo has fallen. The last legacy of long established IP is now under control of the Raiders of Silicon Valley. Jeff Bezos now owns James Bond. May his reign be short lived.

When word reached me, a wave of depression hovered over me like a darkened cloud. The internet knew what this meant; it was an end of an era. It was 25 films spread across 60 years. The Royal Family that was the Broccolis ruled over their fiefdom as benevolent rulers and providing their subjects with an undiluted product that influenced a multitude of generations in Hollywood.

Now it is over. It can only be assumed that the legions at Amazon are preparing for a new era in the 007 universe, complete with spin-offs, television shows, and cheap and unfettered reality entertainment. The mystique of James Bond will be tainted for a millennium and the joy of its spectacle will be cheapened and diminished. What is dead cannot return.

It has taken me awhile to assess my feelings on the matter. I’m not angry with Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson for selling out. As with any valuable property, it must be defended unrelentingly from cash-grab predators and opportunists. The ceaseless battle can and will take its toll. I can’t blame Broccoli and Wilson for taking the money and running. Any of us would have done the same under similar circumstances. Instead I see this as a changing of the guard from independent artistry to tech dominance of content creation.

Perhaps in a few generations the people will see this as “progress”. Amazon naturally does. But can we genuinely say that the quality of established IPs improved under this paradigm shift? Did it for Star Trek? Did it for Star Wars? There is little reason to believe that James Bond won’t face a similar fate as those two. But maybe we need to reckon with an uncomfortable truth: if we love something, we must let it go.

As Bond fans, we were blessed with 25 films. Though their quality varied, we love each of them on their own terms. I wouldn’t omit a single one from the canon. And these films are going nowhere. They will be embraced by cinephiles for generations to come. Additionally Broccoli and Wilson had the foresight to “kill off” James Bond in the final film under their tutelage. It was a controversial decision but one I always defended. Although I think this move was done as a way to give Daniel Craig a proper sendoff, in hindsight it gives us fans a sense of closure.

But in these times of mourning, perhaps we should seek a silver lining. The exact terms of the deal between the Broccolis and Amazon are unclear to me currently. With any luck, the Broccolis have been relegated to an advisory position. That might not mean much but it might give us hope for a shred of continuity. Yet this is admittedly wishful thinking. Though Amazon will posses the rights to the “gun barrel” sequence, Albert R. Broccoli’s Eon Productions, and the history of the character, the Jeff Bezos takeover is in effect a death to the old order.

However, the old must give way to the new. As much as we piss and moan over Hollywood retreads, there has been a landslide of new intellectual property over the last two decades from Harry Potter, Breaking Bad, the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Game of Thrones, etc. Perhaps things never really die; they’re born into something new.

Comrade Bond

God save Barbara Broccoli, defender of James Bond, the franchise that started all franchises.

According to numerous reports, notably the Wall Street Journal, there’s a damn good reason why the next 007 film has not been announced: Barbara Broccoli thinks that the folks at Amazon Studios are “fucking idiots”. Amazon purchased MGM, who control the distribution rights for the James Bond franchise. In sum, Broccoli “doesn’t trust algorithm-centric Amazon with a character she helped to mythologize through big-screen storytelling and gut instinct.”

The official report from the WSJ is behind a paywall, but you can read about it here from Screencrush.com:

With the stranglehold that Big Tech has over our lives, our government, and our entertainment, I have to say that I am perfectly content with James Bond dying as he lived: by getting blown into smithereens by a missile strike in the Sea of Japan. If No Time To Die is his final appearance, so be it.

It’s not the way I’d want him to go considering that I’ve been obsessed with this goddamn franchise for 25 years. Without it, I’d know nothing of filmmaking and storytelling. But I’m a man of principle. And I’ll be damned if I let that real life Bond villain Jeff Bezos get his talons into this film legacy.

As of right now, there’s an Amazon workers strike in numerous locations around the US. In a sense, this means my Queen Barbara Broccoli, whom I swear allegiance to, and her brother Michael “G” Wilson stand in solidarity with those brave women and men. I know that the Broccoli’s are people of means. At face value, Barbara and Michael probably have more in common with Bezos than they have with you or me. Considering this, it’s likely that a deal can be struck at any moment. But I hold out hope. With this report, it reveals that Barbara and Michael have integrity; in standing up to Amazon, they carry on their father’s legacy.

I’m sure they’re contractually obligated to release their films through MGM via Amazon. I don’t know how one could get out of that without years of court battles. And even if they could, given the current state of the film industry, they’ll inevitably land a distribution deal with another Big Tech, “algorithmic-centered” firm. There’s no way to win.

But if they ever do get out from under the clutches of Amazon, then fuck it: let’s crowd source this shit! I’m telling ya Barbara, I’ll sell everything! And I mean EVERY goddamn thing if it means Eon Productions gets to maintain complete creative control of 007.

Calling Barbara broccoli and Michael g Wilson

James Bond is dead. Of course he will return, presumably resurrected like our lord and savior Jesus H Christ for the next installment. But where does the franchise go from here?

“Why not a television series for HBO?” you ask.

Thankfully I’ve already thought of this. So I’m imploring all my readers to bombard Barbara Broccoli and Michael G Wilson with nonstop emails begging them to read my pitch:

After the events of Spectre and before No Time to Die, Nomi is named James Bond’s replacement for the coveted code name of 007. Nomi is an accomplished killer in her own right, but M wants to get her acclimated to the world of being a 00 agent. So the head of MI6 activates Terry Hamilton aka 002, a brutish but seasoned 00, to assist her in her first assignment.

First off, I think it’s important to establish that James Bond is not dead. Though it is unlikely that the world’s most famous secret agent will appear in the first season, I don’t want audiences to feel that Bond may never appear. If they feel that way, then they may not tune in. Secondly, 002 needs to be the polar opposite of Bond: working class, not favorable to the comforts and niceties that Bond is accustomed to, a cheap whiskey and lager drinker exclusively, and has difficulty in connecting with women. In other words, he’s an old school throwback even in the eyes of MI6. Because he lacks the subtleties and skills of Bond, he is only brought in for select missions where his sheer brutality and strength can be best utilized. When Hamilton is finally recalled to assist 007, he hadn’t been on a mission in nearly a year. This is a cause of great consternation between 002 and M, with the latter being genuinely intimidated.

In fact, in Terry Hamilton’s introduction with M explaining his mission with 007, 002 should talk absolute shit about Bond. “I would never work with a dandy like that,” he should utter, with maybe a few other colorful words thrown in before M informs him that Bond has resigned and is being replaced by Nomi. Understanding that he will be working with an even less experienced agent than James Bond, Hamilton is even more infuriated.

Of course Lashana Lynch, Ralph Fiennes, Naomie Harris, and Ben Whishaw all return to their respective roles in the franchise. But who will play Terry Hamilton 002? Ideally, I imagine a shorter, stalkier, and older actor than Daniel Craig but one who could plausibly pass as a 00 agent. But then I remembered Rory McCann of Game of Thrones fame and realized he would be perfect for the hot-headed and brutish spy.

And yes, I purposely chose an uncool yet decidedly British name for this new character (as sort of a shout out to the first two Bond directors, Terrence Young and Guy Hamilton). And the number 2 is no where near as cool as the number 7, hence 002. Yet I want to character to feel as though he could plausibly kick James Bond’s ass.

At the first season’s conclusion, 002’s arc should be closed, leaving room to explore the world of the 00s. And strangely, I have Bill Nighy in mind for the role of 008 in season 2, but I’ll explore that later.

So Barbara, Michael…the ball is in your court

Aaron Taylor-Johnson

Let Kick-Ass be the next James Bond. I don’t give a shit.

It probably won’t be him though. Barbara Broccoli and Michael “G” Wilson are likely to pull another Daniel Craig and go for an actor you might’ve seen before but didn’t suspect. As they should, by the way. The Craig maneuver was controversial at that particular moment, but it paid off.

In all likelihood, it will be a non-white actor. Anti-SJWs have bitched about this, but it’s really not that big of a deal. Yes, in the books, the character was white. But let’s be honest: except for From Russia With Love and Casino Royale, the books are kinda shit. James Bond has been a way more influential cinematic character than a literary one. Really the only prerequisite for an actor to take over the role is that they be from the British isles or a former protectorate (except the US or Canada). And it should always remain that way. I will riot the day they announce a Canadian James Bond. So in all honesty, the only actor I’d LOVE to see as 007 is Idris Elba, who has unfortunately aged out of the role. He’s about as Connery-like as one could be.

I will say this for the 32-year-old Taylor-Johnson however: he’s married to 55-year-old director Sam Taylor-Johnson.

He’s a man of my own taste.

killing james bond

Yo! Respect to Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson for killing off perhaps the most important character in film history (spoilers! 🤷‍♂️) Don’t believe that James Bond isn’t the most important? Well without this franchise, we probably wouldn’t have the modern action blockbuster. He was the model for the postmodern, morally questionable hero…before Han Solo, before Indiana Jones, before John McClain. James Bond was doing that shit before everyone.

And now he’s dead.

That takes balls.

I say fuck the fanboys. As Star Trek II director Nicholas Meyer said when he was told that he couldn’t kill Spock (paraphrase): “of course you can, as long as you do it well.”

Did they do it well? Don’t know. No Time To Die hasn’t been released in the States yet (they probably didn’t). But I will respect any filmmaker that takes chances.

Audiences be damned.

So where does the franchise go from here? The answer is obvious: HBO Max (or Apple TV, or Netflix, or Amazon Prime, etc). The James Bond Expanded Universe on television is the next logical step.

“But nobody cares about that universe without James Bond”

Perhaps. But the good thing about this universe is that the timeline does not matter. Seriously. Does Goldeneye happen before or after the events of Live and Let Die? Does it matter? Is Ralph Fiennes’ M the same as Bernard Lee’s? Does THAT matter?

You see, nothing in the James Bond timeline matters. With the exception of the Daniel Craig films, each film and each actor sort of takes place in its own timeline.

So in this James Bond extended universe, James Bond is still alive because why not?

So is James Bond the main character in this new series? If yes, then the series writes itself.

But if the producers made this dramatic move in No Time To Die just so they can free themselves to explore this universe, here’s my pitch (since Barbara and Michael aren’t taking my calls):

Series name: 00

Characters: Ralph Fiennes as M, Ben Whishaw as Q, Naomi Harris as Eve Moneypenney, Rory Kinnear as Tanner

New characters:

001: (Male, 50-60yrs) An old Irish bastard. Hard hitter, hard drinker. Has been a 00 longer than anyone. Was actually a family man at some point against the wishes of Her Majesty’s Service, but naturally fucked it up. Has been wanting to reconnect with his son for years, but his son wants nothing to do with him.

002: (Male, 40s) Borderline autistic, has no close personal relationships. But make no mistake: this mother fucker can kill. Not much is known about his background.

003: (Female, 20s) the newest member of the service. She was one of the first women to get into the SAS before joining MI6. Fresh off of her first mission, she appears to be experiencing a degree of PTSD. 001 takes her under his wing and treats her as a surrogate daughter to make up for his deficiencies as a father.

004: (Male, 20-early 30s) a total cad. Along with James Bond, he often stays in trouble with M. Not liked by many in M16. A snarky, fratish type.

005: (Female, 40-50s) a seasoned veteran of MI6. There’s no situation she can’t handle masterfully. Often a part of M’s “A-Team”, she gets dispatched on the more difficult missions. The perfect female counterpart of James Bond, an expert seductress.

Recurring characters:

006: Alec Trevelyan (Male, 30-50)-James Bond’s best friend in the service. However, he holds a secret grudge against the British government. Will later be “betrayed” by 007.

007: James Bond (Male, 30-50)- The GOAT.

The Story:

M is ripping one of his agents a new asshole. It’s 001. He’s too old, M says. He’s a drunk and they already have enough alcoholics on the force (James Bond). But there’s still one more mission for 001.

“Don’t cock it up,” says M.

It’s not a difficult mission, but he’s getting a partner: 003. 001 resents this but follows orders. He banters with Moneypenny and goes to Q to gather his equipment. But instead of the flirty charm of 007, he’s cantankerous and crusty. He understands none of the technology that Q gives him.

001 and 003 go through the usual formula: they go undercover, enjoy the finer things in life, go to bed with numerous individuals, and cause plenty of property damage. And they do it with their own spin and charm. However, the mustache-twirling villain has a much bigger plot under his sleeve, one which has international implications.

With the plot spread globally, the mission comes under the direction of Tanner. We are introduced to the other 00 agents and their individual missions in different parts of the world.

But when things start to get real, M has no other choice but to bring in the big guns: 006 and 007. This culminates in 007s supposed “betrayal“ of 006, and while Bond temporarily plays the hero, 001 and 003 overcome their differences to save the day.

The mission is interwoven with the personal drama of 001 and 003.

Bond once said that 00s often have short life expectancies. 001 is aware that he faces death at every turn; the next mission could be his last. And he has been on too many missions. His demise in the season finale will serve as a reminder to 003: death is never an option.