Tag: Art

happy fourth!

As we celebrate this nation’s independence while an unelected US Supreme Court does it’s damage, I’d like to discuss the British film Unmasked Part 25.

It’s been a a couple of weeks since I wrote about my journey through the dumpster that is Tubi’s horror catalog. It’s not because I haven’t been watching any films, it’s because none of them have been worth writing about.

That is until I came across Unmasked Part 25.

An important question this movie asks is: what if Jason Vorhees was just a normal guy in need of a romantic companion? And the movie follows through with that question in earnest.

As usual with these types of films, not all of the jokes land. And while it’s competently shot and lit, the sets look super cheap.

But the performances are pretty good. The actors are assisted by a solidly written screenplay and dialogue. Obviously this film was meant to be tongue in cheek, but you’ll probably be more emotionally invested than what you were expected to be.

Honestly, the script is better than it had any business being.

As for the gore, there’s a decent amount of it. Most of it is front loaded in the opening act, but those are some pretty good killings tbh.

So if your family has abandoned you for Fourth of July, you should check out this small and unusual film.

put me out of my misery

Alright, this week was much better on Tubi. I think I finished every movie I started.

There were a few good ones. Or at least a few notable ones.

Frankenhooker (1990)

It’s a shame that few actors make it in the industry. Whoever played the lead had a performance for the ages.

I hesitate to call it a “comedic” performance, although he was quite funny. But the actor perfectly encapsulated the madness and obsession that that role called for.

I can easily see the pitch for this movie:

Producer: “are there going to be boobs in the movie?”

Director: “yes but they’re all going to explode.”

Producer: “but there will be boobs?”

Now this film has quite a following. Hell, it even has a Bill Murray seal of approval, so it might not be as obscure as I’d like it to be. But it’s cult status is well earned and you should check it out.

Maniac (1980)

It’s a fairly simple concept: a maniac runs around Manhattan killing a bunch of people. But it’s pretty well executed.

And speaking of execution, it has one of the best head explosion scenes in film history (again, courtesy of the legend himself: Tom Savini…who I also think played character getting his head blown off)

The Forbidden Zone (1980)

It’s not a horror film. I don’t know what it is.

A musical?

I can handle weird. That’s not a problem. But you gotta suck audiences in. Once when they’re in, they have no choice but to sit there and watch it because they’re that engrossed. That’s not this movie.

It stars Herve Villechaize because he never turned down a paycheck, and features music from a group that eventually became Oingo Boingo.

It’s not my cup of tea, but I’m sure the theater nerds love it.

writings hard

Sorry about my halfassed posts as of late. I’m working on another project that’s taking up most of my creative energy. And that’s in addition to being employed at the toilet factory and fathering 27 kids.

But as I always say: “anything worth doing is worth losing your sanity over.”

So anyway, if anything seemed off, that’s why. Look forward to my next phoned in post. 🤷‍♂️

another round of terrible movies

It was slim pickins this week.

I probably started watching a little over a half dozen of B-movies in my quest to see every horror film on Tubi. And I probably only finished two of them.

These are those two.

The Majorettes (1986)

I love a movie that can’t decide what it wants to be. So instead of choosing, it decides to be every option.

The Majorettes calls itself a “slasher” film. Sure, okay. At times, I think, it flirts with being a supernatural comedy. Then it inexplicably becomes a remake of Rambo.

Your guess is as good as mine.

My favorite part is one villain hangs another villain using a rope that runs through a cheapass hook that’s barely screwed into the ceiling.

While the film was godawful, I am intrigued enough to check out the book that this was based on (which was adapted for the screen by its author). If it’s as random as the movie, it seems like my kind of book.

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)

I might have to watch this one again.

It has everything that I love: private detectives, Linnea Quigley, and a short running time (boobs too, if you’re into that sort of thing).

The film is absolute trash. And deliberately so. That’s Hollywood, folks.

Honestly, the image above says everything you need to know. It ain’t Citizen Kane, but it will easily kill an hour and 15 minutes.

more bad movies

Someone should really pay me to go through the trash can that is Tubi’s film archive, but alas, I’m in it for the love of the game.

Now it’s hard to maintain quality throughout a film. Most movies start off great, then peter out. Others you have stick with until the very end.

This is especially true for B movies. In fact, I’m starting to think that it’s harder to make a good B movie than it is to make a decent GREAT film.

Here’s a couple of examples:

Out of the Dark (1988)

Some heavy hitters were involved in this. Karen Black acts her ass off, and there’s even an appearance from the legendary Divine.

Now you’d think that it would be impossible to screw up a movie about a psycho clown and phone sex workers. In fact, it has a strong opening: some dude playing with his nipples…with a knife…while having phone sex.

Production quality is not that bad here. Despite a few good laughs, not much gets done with this banger of a concept.

The Prowler (1981)

This had the exact opposite problem as Out of the Dark. The concept is kinda meh, but boy does it end on a high note (courtesy of makeup artist Tom Savini)!

What I love about these kinds of movies is determining what was intentional from the filmmakers. There was one scene that was more intentionally funny than it had any business being. And the ending, despite being bizarre, was quite effective.

I don’t know. Maybe I need to stop assuming that these filmmakers are completely inept.

Blades (1989)

People ask me all the time: “why do you watch this shit?”

Because I’m looking for a diamond in the rough. This time the diamond is Blades, a parody of Jaws.

It’s about a lawnmower that hunts and kills people on a golf course. Only the golf pros and a former groundskeeper stand in its way.

I’m sure people thought that this film was completely fucking stupid in 1989. But some things get better with age.

Now I’m not saying that this one is up there with such classics as Blood Diner or Toxic Avenger. But if you’re high enough, it COULD be.

It’s funnier than Caddyshack. That’s a hill I will die on.

join the dead

It’s hard being a weird asshole like me.

My tastes have become so narrowed that I really have to wring out the internet to find something I want to read and watch. Thankfully I came across Joseph D. Newcomer’s book Diminishing Return last year and I’ve been a fan ever since.

I finished reading the anthology From the Dead, which features the work of many other wonderful writers, and the Darkest Day over the weekend. It was just what the doctor ordered.

“So what are these stories about?” You might ask.

Not sure. don’t know how to read 🤷‍♂️

So you’ll have to check them out yourself.

But to give you a taste: you know, like, how your mind starts to wonder on a long car ride so you start coming up with strange scenarios: what if I get mindfucked by a drier monster? Or, what if Elon Musk manufactured another 9/11? And now imagine if these outrageous scenarios became full fledged stories, much like that delightful episode of Black Mirror where the Prime Minister fucks a pig on live TV.

That’s the work of Joseph D. Newcomer. That’s Dead Star Press.

You can find these works and other merchandise here at Dead Star Press.

You can also follow him at https://josephdnewcomer.com

The arbiter of art

So I dreamt that David Spade walked up to me to start some shit. Then I punched him in the stomach and said “you ain’t so tough without Chris Farley.”

Anyways

Director/Screenwriter Paul Schrader, on his infamous Facebook account, reposted an article of Elizabeth Olson defending the Marvel films (I dunno, didn’t read it). This predictably started a shitstorm in the comments.

Listen, I don’t know what “art” is. It’s “expression”, I guess. That’s all I can say. The Marvel movies aren’t my cup of tea. At least not yet. Whether or not they are art is not up to me.

But would I consider Death Wish III, Robocop 2, and loads of other schlock as “art”?

Yes.

So actually, under my criteria, the Marvel films easily hurdle the “art” threshold. But the bigger question is: will people remember and still be discussing these films 20 years from now?

The “disaster craze” of the 1970s… the Towering Inferno, the Airport films, Earthquake, etc, with their big budgets and all-Star casts…were all financially successful but hardly anyone remembers them. Someone compared the Marvel movies to Westerns of way back when, but I think they’re much more similar disaster films of nearly 50 years ago.

Someone once said that the Academy Awards shouldn’t be decided until at least 10 years after a film’s release. This gives it time to resonate with the people instead of simply handing out accolades because it felt good in the moment.

I agree with this.

So are Marvel movies “art”? Yes.

Are they quality “art”? I guess time will tell.