I need to formally apologize

It appears that my man Paul “Shreddin” Schrader, the greatest screenwriter of all time, has crossed over into the technological abyss. First he discussed his “AI girlfriend”, which, honestly, if you know anything about Schrader, it doesn’t shock me that he had one. But now he has seemingly embarrassed the writing community by embracing AI use in the craft of screenwriting. For neo-Luddites like myself, this is a sad day. Paul might as well have been the last soldier to cross the Rubicon. So the die is cast, folks. It’s now you, me, and the human soul versus Hollywood and the billionaire-technological complex.

Of course my opinions have evolved over time regarding AI. If you recall, my initial reaction to it was kinda ambivalent. To be more precise, I actually found it humorous. I simply chalked it up to a dumb computer program designed to say stupid shit for our amusement exclusively. I never thought that people would use it for legitimate purposes like research, brain storming, and for real and honest creativity. But that’s what The Man wants. They want to slowly chip away at our god-given capacity for reasoning and creative thought. They want to eradicate the soul itself and replace it with a far more malleable software to replace human ingenuity. In short, They want you dumb and under their thumb. Sadly, this was apparent to me when ChatGPT arrived, but I woefully underestimated how aggressively this technology would be promoted and deployed.

The sad part is that even if AI never fully rivals human intelligence, its damage will leave a very real scar. Data centers and their tyrannical demand for land, power, and water will only pile on to the ecological disaster that is the 21st century. So think about that the next time you ask Claude to write a Mad Men script where Don Draper pitches armed robbery while COMMITTING armed robbery. Think about the water you’re wasting.

We, as writers and artists, have a moral imperative to reject artificial intelligence. Save creative integrity. Save the earth. And for god sake, save the human soul.

“The Office” Created by Cormac McCarthy: Dwight shoots up the office

What a time we live in. I don’t even have to write anymore. I just let AI do it!

I asked ChatGPT to rewrite certain television shows in the style of Cormac McCarthy. What it proposed was alright: Frasier contemplates suicide, Raymond finally tells Debra to fuck off, and Friends get mugged. Nothing spectacular.

But I was confused when I typed in “The Office in the style of Cormac McCarthy”, mostly because I’ve never watched the show. I did see that episode where James Spader becomes the boss and asked everyone if they were happy with their lives. But that was the only time I laughed.

Yet AI proposed an episode where Michael announces in a meeting that Jim and Pam are dating, and then out of pure rage, Dwight pulls out a gun and starts shooting. Honestly it wasn’t a very good script. But I think I reached the limits of AI’s capabilities: it wrote just a regular episode of The Office.

So I don’t know why everyone is afraid of AI. It seems pretty lazy to me. I mean, I don’t need ChatGPT to halfass its writing on my behalf. I can do that myself.

A.I: Artificial Intelligence

My October is booked the FUCK UP! That doesn’t mean that I’ll stop writing though, that ain’t happening. But that does mean I’m gonna need a little help from artificial intelligence.

Now I don’t have a clue what my short story will be about. Therefore I turned to a random story generator from writingexcerises.co.uk. I had to refresh it a few times to get a story I liked, and here’s what it generated:

“A woman in her sixties, who can be quite compassionate.

A man in his early thirties, who can be quite aggressive.

The story begins in a nightclub.

Someone is driven out of their home.

It’s a story about greed.

Your character reluctantly becomes involved”

So there you have it. October’s short story will be about an older woman and an incel “falling in love”. Hell yeah dude 👍

What a time to be alive, eh?