Mer Rouge (part 5)
Hutch’s eyes shifted downward and he clutched his beer glass. Dirk, towering six inches above all the patrons, sauntered over to his side of the bar and laid his large, bigoted hand next to the outsider. Hutch fixated on it. Tattooed just below his pinky was the unmistakable blood cross of the Ku Klux Klan.…
Mer Rouge (part 4)
Oren hopped back into the pick up and immediately cut on the engine. He watched the rear view mirror as Hutch sauntered over to Kal’s Kountry Katina with hands in his pockets and one shoe untied. After he disappeared into the thicket of bikers and roughnecks, Oren slumped in the driver’s seat with his hood…
Mer Rouge (part 3)
Oren threw open the passenger’s side door and his brother nearly fell out. “What the hell?!” Hutch cried out. “You had ONE job, Hutch! ONE job!,” Oren yelled. “You couldn’t stay awake for three minutes?!” “I was tired!” “And now all of the vacuums are gone!” Hutch raised an eyebrow and strained his neck trying…
Mer Rouge (part 2)
Dusk was settling over the delta when they crossed the state line. Oren’s heart sank. His eyes gazed over the flat cotton fields of scraggly trees and twisted debris left over from a long ago storm. A bloated deer carcass was chained to a pillar holding a sign reading Welcome to Louisiana. They were going…
Mer Rouge (part 1)
The shit water cascaded down the bowl and onto the cold tiled floor like brownish rapids over the Armagosa. Oren was helpless to do anything about it. His brother had a cursed ass which shat out turds as thick as tungsten and wide as a rolling pin. Feeling helpless, the elder brother wanted to shake…
Where were you in ‘72? 🤔
Have you ever considered falling face first down a stairwell? Have you ever shit your pants in a crowded cinema? Have you ever felt more alive after “forgetting” to take antipsychotic meds for three weeks straight? Well I have good news! 17 out of 114 psychologists recommend reading Vanitas by Beau Montana! Currently ranked in…
How I learned to stop worrying
You know like how Christians think everything happening in the world is the sign of the end times? I’m starting to understand that now. Not that I think the world is coming to an end. It was here long before us and will be here long after us. But the absurd kidnapping of a foreign…
Dick pills
I’m an old son of a bitch. Some days I’ll shit my pants at Waffle House. Other days I’ll drive for miles with my turn signal on. Then again, I’ll confuse viagra for blood pressure medication and intensely watch Matlock. At night, I’ll wake up in a pool of piss after dreaming about the Wehrmacht…
SOS
Some days, it’s simply too hard to pick up a pen and bring a blank page to life. This is especially true when you’ve had your hands broken by the Russian mafia. So needless to say, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. Luckily I’ve found a faint internet connection in this abandoned warehouse in…
2025 NFL uniform ranking (part iv-the good shit)
Alright, let’s get this shit over with as quickly as possible. To appeal to our neighbors in the north, I will be ranking the NHL uniforms next despite not knowing dick about hockey. That seems like a natural progression. In the meantime, here’s the next part of my list: 20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers We all…
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The Internet Ruined Everything 