And yet another shot at the title (part xxxxi)

Back in Glendale, Slick Rick was yapping his jaws at the dinner table. “Can you believe my little Jeanie has found the cure for diabetes!” he gushed.

“Who?” I shrugged.

“Jeanie! Your six year old granddaughter!”

“Big fucking whoop!” I said. “Do you know what Cornelius did today? He made Ryan Duckling drink his own piss! Can ‘Jeanie’ or whatever the fuck she’s called do that?!”

“Hell yeah dude!” Cornelius shouted and we high fived.

“I see,” Rick said as he poked at his spaghetti. “And do you think this film set is a good place for a 16 year old to be?”

“Why not?” I asked. “You gotta start somewhere!”

“Being the director is tight as fuck,” Cornelius said.

Rick was puzzled. “Say what now?”

“Yeah, due to some boring legal issues, I stepped aside and named Cornelius as director,” I explained.

Rick scratched his head. “Won’t this take time away from school?”

“Fuck that noise!” I said. “Who needs school when you’re the director of a major motion picture? Get your head in the game Rick! Cornelius is about to be rich as fuck!”

Cornelius yawned. “This convo is boring,” he said. “I’m going to bed.”

“Wait a minute!” I shouted. “Let me tuck you in!”

I followed Cornelius as he lumbered his large ass up the stairs. He climbed into bed and I draped the covers over him. Then I pulled the gaming chair by his side. “Cornelius,” I said, “you may be too young to understand what I’m saying but one day you will. You see, I fucked up a lot of things in my life. I could have done a lot of things differently with your father. Mind you, he did become the biggest dick in Glendale, which isn’t saying much. But I feel like I could’ve done more. Yet because of you, I think it was all worth it. You see, I see a lot of myself in you. Like you, most people only saw a fat, useless sack of shit taking up space. They thought I’d amount to nothing. They were wrong. In my revenge, I fucked up a lot of people’s careers, their livelihoods, and their dreams. Goddamn it felt good. But I don’t want people to think of you in the same way. I want you to prove all your doubters wrong and live your dreams. I will forever be in your corner. I never told your father this, but I love you.”

As I wiped away the tears, I looked at Cornelius who was snoring and farting away in his sleep. “God bless you Cornelius,” I whispered and left his room.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, Rick’s Latina wife approached me. “Eh, Mr. Pietermeister?” she asked

“Si,” I said.

“Telefono,” she responded

“Someone is on the phone for me?”

“Si.”

She handed me the phone. “Who the fuck is calling me and how did you get this number?” I ask the person on the other end.

“James, we know you had something to do with this,” the voice said. It was Ma Sheila Easton.

“Do with what? What are you on about?”

“It’s all over the news. A tyrant?! An anonymous source is slandering Greta to every media outlet that will listen!”

TO BE CONTINUED…