I write stories about people who make fools of themselves in public. Which is why I’m always shocked when I witness people make fools of themselves in public. Mind you, I live in the real life version of Hooterville, which has become an overran, poorly infrastructured suburb of a major US city. So this town is now an ungodly and unbearable mixture of goobers and hispsters. Thank Satan that Green Acres didn’t run long enough to show that.
But fucking old people. I don’t want to be another whipper snapper on the internet shitting on Boomers, but when you set the bar so low for what is publicly acceptable with them…and they STILL fail to hurdle it…then maybe the widespread, multi-generational mocking of them is warranted. I mean, for Christ sake, I’m almost 100 years old, and yet I know not to give out my credit card information over the speaker phone at McDonald’s. You think that didn’t happen? Well it did when I took my great grandson (who is 43) to the playground area. Everyone stared at the old fart in disbelief as he shouted out each number with reckless abandon.
Then I had to go to CVS to pick up my diuretic medications and there was another dipshit pestering the pharmacist over the side effects of Vaseline. When I thought they finally rid themselves of the guy, I went to the front of the store to check out my bag of Werther’s and this mother fucker was bothering the check out girl over the quality of Twizzlers he picked out. I could contain my anger no more. So I tapped him on the shoulder, grabbed him by his flannel shirt, and threatened him. “Listen asshole!” I told him. “I fought in World War II AND World War I. I gleefully torched the Germans on the front line and watched their faces melt off like butter! Goddamn I never felt more alive! So let me tell you something PAL: life is fragile! Life is short! Life is almost totally meaningless! Do you really want to spend what few years you have left agonizing over candy?!”
I mean, the fucking nerve of some people!
The Internet Ruined Everything 