Woe is me

Another day with my expensive ass hair with my empty ass bank account under the burning ass sun. How much shall I suffer? Some days I walk out into the Home Depot parking lot and shake my fist at the heavens and cry out “goddamn the gods for making me beautiful!”

My sorrow, the empty depths of my soul, knows no bounds. I’m hollow. I feel nothing but contempt for myself and all of humanity. When the waitress at Waffle House asked me if I wanted coffee, I said “only if it’s black. Like the asshole of Satan.”

I don’t recognize that disgusting, HADSOME man in the mirror. I never knew him anyway. But now I’m more unknown; living with a stranger.

When a lady approached me at a park where my son was playing, she asked “how old is he?” I said “look lady! I don’t know who you think you are but I am more than just a pretty man at the park! Somewhere, deep inside, is an actual human being! And some day I’m gonna find that man and I’m going to kiss him on the lips and tell him that he doesn’t need any of this shit…this fake ass hair, this false facade of handsomeness! I don’t need none of it! You see, long ago, there was a boy whose hair started falling out of his head. He didn’t know why. But it changed the trajectory of his life. He was, as they say, an ugly duckling throughout adolescence. He began to resent others, and worse yet, he began to resent himself. It affected every facet of his life; consumed him, made him feel inferior. Then one day he decided to do something about it. He was going to get fake hair. And now he has it and it has changed nothing. He feels more worthless than ever. That boy became me, the one standing here telling you this story. People tell me all the time ‘oh it’s okay that you flushed money down the toilet. Life’s too short to be feeling the way you do.’ But they’re wrong. Because life isn’t too short; it’s too long. It’s much too long for us to live our lives with the constant feeling of regret. I’m dead inside. You understand me? So fuck off!”

Where life goes from here is unknown. But that’s the path we all take. I thought being dangerously good looking would solve all my problems. But it was only a mirage.