At 7pm on the dot, Sam rushed into my dorm. “Put your penis in me, cum, and get the fuck out,” she demanded.
I sat in my chair in quiet contemplation. “You know,” I finally spoke, “I’ve been thinking: I can’t do this. Maybe it’s all the blood rushing out of my brain and into my cock right now due to the Cialis, but I’ve realized that I want some passion in my life. All of my life, I’ve wondered what the hell is wrong with me. Why do I always feel empty, like I’ve been forsaken by god? Now it’s occurred to me: I live in Boston, the asshole of America. That’s why I feel dead inside. So I’m sorry. I must move on to greener pastures. The solution to all my problems lies in the piss covered streets of New Orleans, where the nastiest drainage ditch in the world, the Mississippi River, empties out. That’s where I’m going. Because there’s only one way I sire, and that’s with love.”
I motioned my hand over the table, where several jars of jizz were sitting. “But I wanted to leave with a parting gift,” I explained. “Because the boner pill made me hornier tf, I’ve been furiously masturbating nonstop for the two hours. I have left you with my years…generations probably…of the most potent semen on the planet. I could probably repopulate the entire western hemisphere with what’s sitting on that table.”
I stood up, straightened myself out, and threw my jacket over my shoulder. “I will never forget you, Sam,” I said.
She stood there dumbfounded. “Get your shit, including that nasty ass semen, and get the fuck out of this building,” she responded. “If I see you again, I’m calling the cops.”
I tipped my hat, picked up my things, and walked out for good.
So long, Boston. Hello New Orleans.
THE END
The Internet Ruined Everything 