So my Honda 9 cylinder 4.12 v block 5 banger was going 9-0 down the interstate when it suddenly crapped out. To come to a stop, I had to ram it into a guardrail which caused me to tailspin back into traffic.
20 motorists were injured and one died. I feel bad about that.
But the important thing was that I was not injured and my Honda is still in working order. When CHP showed up, they ordered me to move it off to the shoulder. “Fuck you man!” I told them, “it cut off on me while driving! I’m not getting back in that thing!”
“Well you’re gonna have to get it towed,” they said, “it’s obstructing traffic.”
So I dialed up the nearest towing service and they gave me the runaround. “It’ll cost $47,641 and you’ll have to spread you ass cheeks when the driver arrives,” they explained.
“I’ll suck him off too!” I replied. “But get here quickly! I’m blocking nine lanes of traffic!”
So after the driver violated my penis in front of all the I-10 motorists, he dropped me off at the mechanic. “See you later sweet cheeks,” he said.
I blew him a kiss.
Later, the mechanic said I had a faulty carburetor, stolen catalytic converters, no gas in the tank, a shitty paint job, and that spoiler made me look like a fucking idiot. “So how much will cost to fix?” I asked.
He pulled out his calculator and thumbed the buttons. “Just south of 6 Gs,” he said. “A Honda 9 cylinder GF96x v block 4.12 liter 9 banger is complicated to work on. Plus we have to order parts out of Palestine.”
“Uhh, I think you mean ISRAEL, sir.”
🤦♂️
THE END
The Internet Ruined Everything 