My therapist told me to write a letter to myself where I tell myself how valuable and important I am to myself to make myself feel better about myself. So here it is:
Dear Self,
I am so proud of the person you have become. It’s been awhile since they’ve asked you to leave the premises of a Home Depot and you no longer “accidentally” walk into a bank wearing a ski mask. You may not be perfect, but by god you’re trying and that’s the important part.
Now I know that this letter may come as a surprise to you, but personally I think you’re a genius. Fuck the haters. I know that it’s illegal to drive drunk through a school zone, but the police are just jealous of you. They’re always following you and asking about your “whereabouts”. But I have some advice for you: cut off that ankle tracker and go live your life. Steal your ex-wife’s car and flee down to Mexico to live your dream as a bartender like Tom Cruise in Cocktail.
Just keep believing in yourself buddy. No one can stop you: not God, not the Federales, NO ONE.
You’re bulletproof.
Love,
Beau Montana
The Internet Ruined Everything 