New sitcom

So I came up with a genius new sitcom called The New GUY (which is in no way a ripoff of another series starring John Ritter NOR is it based on the circumstances of my life currently) about some schlubby accountant who’s wife kicks him out of the house and the cheapest place to stay is at a house owned by two dumb girls who would only rent out a room to a man IF he’s gay.

So I imagine in the first episode, the main character Arthur comes strolling up to the front door with his khaki pants and white tennis shoes, then he knocks and pokes his thick bifocals back onto his face. The girl answers the door. “Hi, I’m Art,” he says.

The girl just chews her gum, twirls her hair, and looks at her phone, never making eye contact. “I’m Jenny. Ali’s inside. Come in.”

Jenny’s a bitch and the audience is not supposed to like her, but Ali is the nicer of the two but still an idiot. Arthur (or “Art”) sits there listening to the girls as they explain their routine and hobbies as they giggle about pop culture. Art just smiles and nods like a fool because he has no idea what they’re talking about. But finally it’s time for Art to introduce himself.

“Well I love penis,” he explains. “I’m definitely not a heterosexual man so vagina completely disgusts me. Not that I ever touched one.”

“I like penis,” says Ali.

“Yeah, penis is cool,” says the other.

So he signs the lease, the whole time smiling because he thinks he has them fooled. But later, Ali tries to set Art up with one of her gay friends and Art has to choose between the truth or his love of saving money because he’s a cheap ass accountant (and naturally he chooses money). And that’s the whole series.

For the life of me, I can’t imagine why Hollywood won’t hire me 🤷‍♂️